Helping The New Mama
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Your friend or relative just had a baby! Hooray!!
You, being the wonderful human that you are, want to get the new mom something to help her during this exciting (and exhausting) time. Something practical. Something thoughtful. Something that might make her life a little easier.
So you come across this article, thinking you'll get a list of clever and creative gift ideas. I'm gonna be honest, when I had the idea for this article, I thought that's what it was going to be, too. Then I started my research. I asked mom friends, mom acquaintances, and a bunch of moms on Facebook whom I'd never met, “What is the best (sweetest, most helpful, etc.) thing someone did for you right after you had a baby?”
I expected to get a whole bunch of amazing, creative ideas that I'd carefully curate and provide here for you.
Instead, this whole blog post can be boiled down to just one word:
Food.
Yup. Just feed the mama.
Almost without exception, all the mamas’ answers had something to do with food. Here's some more specific examples of what you can do:
Before the baby comes, make meals that can be kept in the freezer and heated up when a quick meal is needed (soups, lasagna, casseroles are great for this).
Get the mama a bag full of easy snacks from the grocery store (protein bars, fruits, veggies, crackers, hummus, yogurt, etc.) or order some on Amazon and have them shipped to her house.
Get her some hydration (breastfeeding makes you crazy thirsty). Coconut water or cans of seltzer are great. If you want to get fancy, bring some fresh-squeezed juice or homemade laborade (get my recipe here).
Bake some cookies or snack bars and bring them (oatmeal is great for boosting milk supply).
Order her a meal through Uber Eats or Door Dash. (She might be too nice to admit it, but getting food without having to deal with the stress of hosting guests is quite wonderful in the first couple months after having a baby.)
In that same spirit, drop off food at her front door like a ninja, drive away, then call her to let her know it's there.
Flowers are nice, fruit bouquets like Edible Arrangements are even nicer!
If you know she was staying away from certain foods during her pregnancy, treat her with something she hasn't had in a while like coffee, sushi, a poke bowl or those delicious mozzarella and prosciutto rollups.
Feed the mama. She's going to appreciate it so much.
Since we're here, I will take the opportunity to mention a few dos and don'ts when it comes to helping a mama in the “fourth trimester”.
Do Not Show Up Unannounced
New mamas might not have time to brush their hair. Showers can be hard to come by. Sometimes they look like house trolls. Postpartum hormones are wild, boobs are painful, there's ice packs on lady parts, it's a lot.
When someone shows up unannounced, even if the guest doesn't care about the trollish appearance, the mama might. Not to mention, sometimes the idea of hosting guests while you're just trying to keep it together is too much.
Be courteous, schedule your visit ahead of time.
Take Something Off Her Plate
This is common sense and I probably don't need to include it, but just in case, here it is.
The mama is tired. Any little thing taken off her plate helps immensely. Help her put away any dishes you used (bonus points if you wash the dishes, even more bonus points if you wash ALL the dirty dishes in the sink). If the garbage is full, offer to take it out. These kinds of little things will make a world of difference.
Keep The Visit Short
This is another one that's pretty self-explanatory.
Set up a short window for your visit and stick to it. Don't wait for the tired mama to kick you out.
Don't Ask Mama for Decisions
When you're busy healing from delivering a baby, figuring out how to mom, learning how to breastfeed and not sleeping a whole lot, a simple task like deciding what to eat can suddenly become completely overwhelming.
Just go with what you think she'll want and you'll probably do just fine.
If you really don't know what she likes, either get her a variety of stuff or ask her to decide between no more than two options. “Sushi or pizza?”, “iced coffee or ice cream sundae?”
A question like, “what kind of help do you need?” is very kind, but can also be very overwhelming for a postpartum mama. If you want to help her, offer something specific, like, “can I come help wash dishes?” or “do you want me to take your older kid(s) to the playground for a little bit?”. You can even arrange things like this with her before the baby comes, sort of a coupon-type situation that she can redeem when she's recovering.
I think that covers it! Now, go enjoy some newborn snuggles and feed that new mama!
