The Power of Words

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"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."

I learned that in second grade and wielded it as a shield at the insults the mean boys would hurl. I think it was taught to me with good intentions, but looking back on it, I'm not so sure about its accuracy. 

The power of words should not be underestimated. 

I am a firm believer that the words you choose to use make a big impact on the results you get in any endeavor in life.

For the moment, though, I'm going to focus on the words we use in raising our children. 

In a moment of frustration, you might blurt out something like:

"You never listen to me."

"You're such a klutz."

"Stop being so obnoxious."

"Why are you so destructive?"

The child in question may, in fact, be behaving as a destructive, obnoxious klutz who isn't listening to the parent, but it is my firm belief that by drawing attention to this and calling it out, you're sealing the deal on this kind of behavior persisting.

I would venture to guess that most parents aren't even doing this on purpose. It's a habit one can easily fall into and probably gets worse with the intense pressure of parenting. The words can just slip out! And I know, firsthand, that sleep deprivation, headaches, hunger, and the countless other discomforts of parenthood can make the mind-to-mouth filter incredibly thin if not altogether nonexistent.

With all that said, however, I think it's a habit worth confronting and making an effort to stop. 

Kids are impressionable

Impressionable - adjective - easily influenced or affected by somebody/something. From Latin, imprimere ‘press into’. (Oxford Learner's Dictionary)

Oh, the ridiculous things I believed as a kid. When I was a toddler, my parents told me that if I ate too many sweets my butt would seal shut. I believed them. I read once how important it was to know how to escape quicksand. I was certain that quicksand was a problem I'd have to deal with in life on the regular. And one time my dad made a passing comment that I was singing off key (I probably was) and it took me two decades to finally believe that I was capable of singing.

Talk about being impressionable!

If you continually "press" into your child that he or she is annoying or stupid or disrespectful or any other undesirable trait, it won't be long before they believe you. Heck, they might believe you the first time!

I've heard parents joke (with no ill intention, whatsoever), "Oh you silly, you're such a dum dum!" That you are smiling while you say the words doesn't make them any less powerful. Enough repetition of this and the kid will believe that he is, in fact, a dum dum!

Be careful with your words. Your kids are listening more closely than you may think. They value your opinions and they're likely to believe what you tell them. So use it to your advantage.

Use the power for good

You want the best for your kids. Your wish is for them to grow into happy, healthy, beautiful, successful adults who can get along with others and live a good, productive life. 

Help them start their life with a positive and confident mindset. 

Think about your little one. What are some of the positive characteristics about him or her? A good sense of humor? Creativity? Calmness? Strength? Energy? Compassion? Happiness? Are they good at sharing? Do they give great hugs? Do they like to help? Are they smart? Resourceful? Patient? Entertaining? This list could go on and on. 

Verbally point out the good things, every chance you get. Acknowledge every good deed. Congratulate them with every accomplishment. 

You don't have to lie to them. If your kiddo is being a destructive little tornado, don't tell them that they're an angel of patience and virtue. They'll know you're full of baloney.

But the point is, you get what you put your attention on, so put your attention on the good.

"If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."

Now this old saying, I think, has some value to it.

It can be tough.

You're home with your kiddo, nobody slept last night, you haven't had your coffee yet, the child is throwing a tantrum, you're trying to shove food in his mouth, he's flailing his arms, the plate goes flying… frustration… disaster!! Aaahhh!!!

"Why are you being so difficult?" You want to yell. "You little monster!"

Bite your tongue. It's hard. Emotions are strong. But your kiddo will be better for it.

Take a deep breath. Take another one. Maybe a third.

Pick up the plate. If you've got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. 

It's just a moment.  But the wrong words can leave an impression that will outlast that moment by a lot. 

In conclusion 

Be mindful of the words you use with your kids. Make an effort to put attention on the good things and ignore the bad. You'll get more of the good, I promise.